Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
