iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
