Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
