I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
