First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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