yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
