Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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