we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
