let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
