OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
