I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
