you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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