nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
