I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So here I am, sexting at work.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize