im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
