Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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