Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
