All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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