I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
