id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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