Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
