I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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