I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
