i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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