She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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