when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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