He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Drunk is a universal language darling
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
