Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if only i could text you this smell
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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