its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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