I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
