Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
