He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
