It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
