Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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