Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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