i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
