yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
