Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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