I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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