I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize