My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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