If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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