Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Buhtt sex?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
