He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
