Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
