just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
