I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
