Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
