Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
