I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
