omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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