he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize