Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
