got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
