i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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