so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize