My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
