Your face is a jimmy john
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
