Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
