i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
