they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
