He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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