I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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