Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
