My first STD was from a foam party
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You had me at "let me see your balls"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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