I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
