maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
