Me too!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
