The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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