Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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