omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
