I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
