I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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