Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
