She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
