I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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