How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
