she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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